


Okay, This Looks Bad

by Codexfawkes



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Kate is embarrassed, Matt Fraction Clint, Non-Graphic Mention of Periods, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Spicy Dick Milk, Unintentional Flashing, awwww no, fail boat Clint, pizza dog - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:59:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7216063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Codexfawkes/pseuds/Codexfawkes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What the f**k?” she blurted out causing his head to snap toward her, color flooding his face. “Okay, this looks bad.,” he acknowledged turning his back on her. </p><p>Also known as five times Darcy found Clint in weird and embarrassing situations, and one time he found her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spicy Dick Milk

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. Any characters used from the Marvel universe and any quotes from anywhere are not mine. Joss is Boss.  
> Mature rating is for language, adult themes, and mention of sex toys.

Darcy yawned as she walked into the communal kitchen looking for a late afternoon pick me up in the form of coffee. Sure the break room by Jane’s lab had good coffee, but the SI cappuccino machine in the common area made fantastic frothy concoctions that the regular coffee maker didn’t. However as she walked into the room and saw Clint she froze, her eyes going wide in shock. 

“What the fuck?” she blurted out causing his head to snap toward her, color flooding his face.

“Okay, this looks bad.,” he acknowledged turning his back on her.

“I…I have no words.” Darcy faltered. Clint put the glass full of milk he’d been holding on the counter and moved in a specific way, the sound of metal on metal filling the air for a moment before he turned toward her red faced.

“Okay, okay, just…I’m really hoping there’s a very good reason you just had your **dick** in a glass of milk.” Darcy said pinching the bridge of her nose. Clint opened and closed his mouth a few times before pointing at the counter. On the marble surface was a bunch of chopped and partially chopped vegetables.

“I, uh, it’s my turn to cook dinner and I was making a southwest casserole and…I…” Clint trailed off ducking his head.

“You what? Thought a cup of dick milk would add to the flavor?” Darcy asked exasperated. Clint snickered before taking a deep breath and looking back at her.

“I was an idiot. I was chopping those chili peppers and then I went to the bathroom. I didn’t wash my hands before I peed and I suddenly realized as I was washing my hands to come back out, that my dick was on fire. I panicked.” Clint related. Darcy clapped a hand over her mouth to try and stop laughter from pouring out.

“I vaguely remembered that milk helped your mouth not burn so bad when you eat spicy food, so, I well…I hoped it would make the spicy parts not so spicy, and…not only am I embarrassed but it didn’t even work.” Clint finished squirming uncomfortably.

Darcy couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing. Only Clint could get himself in this kind of ridiculous predicament. Pre-DICK-ament, hahahaha. She snorted in laughter, arms wrapped around her waist as Clint sighed and pouted at her. Eventually she calmed down and headed for the coffee maker.

“You take care of the cup of spicy dick milk, wash it, your hands, and the counter really well and I’ll keep this to myself.” Darcy told him

“You are a Goddess on earth and I adore you.” Clint said gratefully before turning to the counter to pick up the cup.

“Maybe if you’re really lucky, Jarvis will keep quiet too.” Darcy commented with a smirk. Clint flinched, dropping the glass in the sink causing it to crack and start leaking.

“Awww, glass no,” Clint sighed hanging his head while Darcy laughed at him.

 


	2. My Booty Call

Clint was drunk. And horny. And bored. He was drunk, horny, and bored. There was really only one solution, dial up one of his old fwb’s for a booty call. Scrolling through his phone Clint looked for a likely candidate. Dani, yeah, limber little blonde who was always up for a good time sounded just about perfect. Completely forgetting that it was two in the morning Clint clumsily hit the dial button and waited while the phone rang. And waited, and waited. Finally just as he was about to give up a sleep roughened voice came on the line.

“Clint?” she asked.

“Hey babe, did I wake you?” he asked grinning as he leaned back against the couch cushions.

“Yes, and babe?” she countered sounding confused.

“Do you not like that? Cause I’m not hung up on it, I mean you seemed to like it before, but it’s cool.” Clint babbled.

“When before? What are you talking about?” she asked.

“I know it’s been a while, but surely I’m not that forgettable. I seem to recall you saying you’d never forget that thing I do with my tongue.” Clint teased, hoping that reminding her of that will get this thing rolling.

“Are you drunk?” she asked after a long moment.

“A little, not too drunk to hop in cab and come see you.” Clint assured her.

“Hop in a cab…Clint,” she started.

“Yeah, I figured we could catch up, have some fun you know? I promise I’m just as good as you remember sweetheart. Three orgasm minimum, and you know I always follow through.” Clint all but purred enticingly.

“Three? Really?” she murmured, almost to herself, sounding impressed.

“Last time it was five if memory serves.” Clint boasted feeling he had the right.

“As tempting an offer is that is, and trust me it is actually tempting to see if you can live up to that, I think you’ve got the wrong number Hawkguy.,” she told him. Clint frowned at the phone, Dani had no idea he was Hawkeye, how had she found out?

“Dani, who, why’d you call me that?” he worried.

“Check the screen again Hawkass, you drunk dialed Darcy by mistake. This is me, Darcy. Whom you booty called by mistake. **Darcy**.,” she explained slowly.

Clint froze, no way, no way he did this and embarrassed himself in front of the girl he kinda had a crush on, again.

“Clint, you there?” Darcy asked gently.

“No, Clint has fled the country in search of his dignity. Have yourself a nice night ma’am.,” he said robotically before disconnecting the call, her soft laughter the last sound he heard. Clint groaned in humiliation and drug himself into his bedroom, flopping face first onto the bed determinedly not thinking about the woman one floor down who was undoubtedly laughing at him. On the upside, he wasn’t horny or bored anymore.

When Clint woke the next morning at least he was able to console himself with the fact that she’d found his offer of multiple orgasms tempting. So, that was something.


	3. Modern Art

It took a few weeks, but eventually Clint got back to his normal friendship comfort level with Darcy. She never mentioned his drunk dial and he never mentioned her momentary interest, denial it’s what works. Three weeks later they were sitting in his Bed-Stuy apartment, the one he rarely spent more than one weekend a month in due to Avenger responsibilities, watching Dog Cops and munching on pizza while Lucky hovered hoping to be tossed some left overs. Lucky whined and lay his fuzzy golden head on Darcy’s lap, looking up at her with one imploring eye.

“Ugh literally puppy eye, okay fine, but if you get sick puke on Clint not me.” Darcy caved giving him a piece of sausage. 

“What happened to ‘don’t give your dog human food Clint, it’s bad for him?’” he teased.

“It’s not my fault he uses his super cuteness powers for evil, he takes after his person.” Darcy teased back poking his thigh with her toe.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment, you totally just called me cute.” Clint preened.

“I meant Kate,” she said poking him again with a mischievous smile.

“Oh you’re gonna get it,” Clint mock snarled lunging at her, his nimble fingers attacking her sides and making her shriek with laughter. Darcy’s plate with the remains of her pizza tumbled to the floor and Lucky pounced on it, chomping down as Darcy flailed.

“Noooo, pizza!” she exclaimed, laughing and trying to escape his tickling fingers. Clint laughed and pulled her back, pinning her to the couch, one hand holding her wrists, his left thigh wedged between hers as his free hand tickled gently up her side getting breathless giggles from the woman beneath him. Darcy squirmed in his hold the best she could, the movement causing his fingers to brush the underside of her breast. They both froze, Clint’s knuckle just barely touching her. He looked down at her, unsure of what he should do. Before either of them could act, the front door opened and banged shut as Kate breezed into the apartment and started up the stairs to the loft bedroom.

“Hey Clint, I’m gonna grab some more of those practice arrows okay?” Kate called over her shoulder.

“Sure thing girlie, help yourself.” Clint called back his eyes locked on Darcy’s. He let his knuckle firmly follow the curve of her breast as he slowly pulled away, moving to sit back on the other end of the couch. After a long beat Darcy moved as well, retaking her original position.

“Um Clint…” Kate called out sounding uncomfortable.

“Yeah?” he replied as they heard her coming back down the steps. Kate came into view, her bag now clearly filled with arrows and an uncomfortable frown on her face.

“I’m probably going to hate myself for asking this, but why is there a pink vibrator on your beside table?” Kate asked. Clint stared at her in mounting horror, he couldn’t believe he forgot to put it away. Darcy watched as Clint flushed a deep red, his eyes wide and terrified while Kate stared at him steadily waiting for an answer.

“It’s mine,” Darcy blurted out, feeling both sets of eyes turn to her but she didn’t dare look back at Clint. “We’ve been seeing each other about three weeks now, so yeah.” Darcy explained with a shrug.

Kate seemed to relax as a teasing grin slid onto her face replacing the judgmental frown that had been there. “Well it’s about damn time, he’s only been mooning over you for months. So yeah, get your freak on. I’ll just head out and leave you guys to each other. Have good sex!” Kate called out as she ducked out of the apartment, locking it behind her.

Silence reigned supreme as they stared at the TV, Lucky rummaging in the empty pizza box looking for more tasty goodness happily oblivious to the tension in the room.

“Darcy…” Clint said eventually.

“You don’t have to say anything Clint, Kate has no right to judge you and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a guy using a vibe. It’s actually kinda hot, so ya know we’re cool.” Darcy told him shooting him a reassuring smile. The tension leaked from the room as they settled back in watching their show. After the episode ended Clint laid his head back against the couch with a sigh.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate you helping, but I feel bad lying to Kate.” Clint confessed.

“You didn’t I did, and later I’ll tell her we fizzled out and are still friends. All you have to say is you don’t want to talk about it, which is the truth. Just turn those ridiculously effective puppy eyes on her and she’ll drop it.” Darcy assured him with a grin. Clint smiled back, burying the hurt that she was ignoring Kate outing his feelings for her. She scooted closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder cuddling into him with a sigh.

“It’ll be okay Clint, promise.” Darcy said threading the fingers of her left hand together with the fingers of his right. Clint couldn’t help the smile he aimed at the top of her head. Maybe it wasn’t completely hopeless.


	4. High As A Kite

Later, after all was said and done, Clint would come to the conclusion that it was Doom’s fault. The doctor with delusions of grandeur and a boner for blowing shit up in the city as a twisted love letter to Sue Storm, had been terrorizing people in Central Park, again. Clint was perched in a tree firing away at any Doom Bot he could, to help end the standoff as quick and casualty free as possible. Luckily the people of New York had been through this before and knew to run for cover as quickly and quietly as they could. After all Doom was a giant diva and got off on making people scream. So it was really just the tourists that Nat and Cap had to worry about getting the hell out of the way.

Everything seemed to be going good, most of the bots were down and Tony had Doom on the run when one of the bots blasted through the trunk of the tree he was perched in. One second he was firing an arrow and the next he was flying through the air toward the ground, the last thought he had was “Fuck this is gonna hurt.”

 

Clint slowly awoke to the sound of beeping, the scent of antiseptic and a sting in his hand telling him there was an IV. The urge to giggle told him they were giving him the good drugs. Clint forced his eyes open to see his right ankle in an air cast being poked at by one of Stark’s doctors.

“Hey there blue eyes,” a feminine voice said to his left. Clint turned his head and Darcy’s face swam into view.

“Hi pretty girl,” Clint drawled, his voice sounding scratchy.

“You want some water?” she asked standing and reaching for a purple plastic cup. She filled it from a pitcher and put a straw in it, holding the cup to his mouth and keeping the straw steady so he could drink. Clint took two long sips before pulling back.

“Thanks,” he told her with a goofy grin, watching as she put down the cup.

“You’re ankle looks pretty good Mr. Barton, you have a severe strain but it should be fine in a few weeks. You do have several broken ribs which is why we have you on morphine.,” the doctor explained to him.

“I have ribs?” he asked surprised, looking down at himself, not noticing when the doctor slipped out.

“You are so stoned,” Darcy laughed with grin.

“You’re pretty,” Clint told her, please when her grin broadened.

“Not so bad yourself,” she said scritching her fingers through his hair.

Clint arched his neck to press further into her touch, practically purring his approval.

“You ready for some visitors? Kate’s been waiting not so patiently for you to wake up.” Darcy let him know.

“Silly lil Hawkeye, bird bros f’r life.” Clint told her rolling his eyes comically.

“Is that a yes Kate can come in?” Darcy chuckled.

“You’ll stay too?” he asked pouting.

“Of course, whatever you want sweetie.” Darcy assured him.

“Okay, girlie can come visit.” Clint agreed.

Darcy pressed a kiss to his forehead before moving to the door to get Kate. While she did that, Clint looked down and frowned realizing the doctor had left the blanket folded down over his lower legs. Wouldn’t do for Katie to see him all uncovered, so he reached down as far as he could without moving, grasped the fabric of the blanket and yanked it up to his chin. Kate walked in to the hospital room with a teasing grin only to freeze in the door way, her face falling into a look of shock.

“Hey Katie Kate, I’m fine, don’ worry.,” he assured her with a smile.

“Clint!” Kate yelped clapping her hands over her face, red spreading over her face and down her neck.

“What’s the matter?” Darcy asked edging into the room around Kate. She looked at Kate in confusion before looking over at Clint who shrugged, confused by his young friends reaction to seeing him in the hospital bed. Darcy face palmed, her own cheeks flushing red.

“Clint, honey no, what did you do?” she asked walking over and trying to pry the blanket out of his grip. Clint gently fought her, not releasing his hold on the fabric frowning at her. Why was Darcy trying to push the blanket down, he couldn’t let Katie see him in just a hospital gown, it wasn’t right.

“Clint let go.” Darcy ordered sternly. Clint just stared up at her in confusion. Kate spun on her heel and felt her way out the door.

It was only when Kate wailed “He flashed me!” that Clint looked down and realized he’d grab the hem of the hospital gown and yanked it, not the blanket, up to his chin.

“Awww, gown, no.” Clint moaned letting go of the fabric. Darcy laughed softly and smoothed the gown down over him before pulling the blanket up and tucking him in.

“What were you trying to do?” she asked softly.

“Blanket,” Clint told her with a helpless pout.

“You were trying to pull up the blanket cause Kate was coming in?” Darcy guessed. Clint nodded miserably. “Oh honey,” Darcy chuckled kissing his forehead again.

Because of the drugs that afternoon would always be fuzzy for Clint, he wouldn’t remember much of anything except Darcy making him feel better. And given how Kate and Nat teased him, he was pretty glad about that.


	5. Dog Day Afternoon

Darcy lay on the couch in her apartment in Avengers Tower enjoying a lazy Saturday morning with her Netflix queue. She was thoroughly enjoying catching up on The Flash when a drop of water fell on her cheek. Darcy flinched and looked up at the ceiling in surprise, only to see water beading through from the apartment above hers.

“Damn it Clint,” she growled to herself. “Jarvis what’s the sitch with the water?” she asked heading into her kitchen for a big mixing bowl.

“It seems Mr. Barton is having some difficult with his pet.” Jarvis told her disdainfully. Darcy sighed and placed the bowl under the drip before heading for the door.

“Can you turn off the water if he hasn’t already?” Darcy asked.

“I have done so Miss Lewis, however that hasn’t addressed the water already accumulated.” Jarvis told her sounding insulted.

“Alright J-Man, I’ll deal with idiot boy and his dog.,” she said getting on the elevator.

“It is greatly appreciated Miss Lewis.” Jarvis assured her sounding relieved.

Darcy let herself into Clint’s apartment and followed the sounds of his swearing. She walked through into the master bath and found Clint kneeling in nothing but pair of soaked boxer briefs as Lucky jumped around the huge tub that was overflowing with water and a massive mound of bubbles. If it wasn’t causing property damage Darcy would have described the scene as adorkable.

“Having trouble there hot shot?” she drawled dryly. Clint’s head snapped toward her, a blush spreading across his cheek bones.

“Uh, hey Darce,”he greeted with a strained smile.

“I’m going to assume you have no clue that the giant lake on the floor has seeped down and is dripping into my apartment.” Darcy said.

“Shit, Darce I’m sorry. Lucky got into some mud on our morning run and I was trying to give him a bath, but then his tail knocked the shampoo into the tub and it bubbled up so fast, and…” he trailed off helplessly.

“You’re lucky I like you Barton,” Darcy said with a sigh. She walked over and reached into the tub, flicking the switch to drain it. Then grabbing Lucky by the scruff of the neck she started leading him out of the tub. “Come on boy, come with Darcy, that’s right wanna rinse off in the shower?” she asked letting her voice sound excited by the prospect. Clint watched in amazement as she led the now calm dog, meek as a lamb, into the huge shower stall.

“I can rinse him,” Clint offered.

“I got it, you concentrate on soaking up the Great Lake.” Darcy ordered pointing to the giant puddle. Darcy closed the shower door after them and took the detachable head off the wall, turning on just that head (because there were many different ones, cause Stark) carefully adjusting the temperature before efficiently rinsing Lucky’s fur of all traces of dog shampoo. While she did that Clint used every towel he had, and a couple sheets to soak up the water, tossing everything into the tub to be dealt with later. By the time they were both done Lucky was the driest one in the room.

“Let me give you something dry to wear.” Clint offered softly.

“Yeah, okay, at least until I can get downstairs. You so owe me lunch Clint.” Darcy said plucking at her wet t-shirt, pulling it away from her skin only to have it slap back against her with splat. Clint valiantly tried not to stare at the curves of her shivering body in the wet, clinging clothes. Clint mentally shook himself and went to his dresser pulling out a black t-shirt with the Hawkeye symbol on it and a pair of drawstring gym shorts. He placed them on the bed and grabbed Lucky by the newly put on collar, leading him out into the living room to give her some privacy to change. When she came out with a bundle of wet clothes Clint had a plastic bag ready for her to carry them in.

“If there’s any damage to your place I’ll pay for it to get fixed, I really am sorry Darcy. If you’ll let me, I’d love to take you out to lunch as a thank you for helping me.” Clint told her sincerely.

Darcy stuffed her clothes in the bag before she looked at him. “Yeah, okay, meet me down stairs in an hour?” she asked.

“Sounds good, I’ll see you then.” Clint agreed with a relieved smile. Darcy shook her head at him with an exasperated smile before giving Lucky a quick head scratch and heading out the door.

As promised an hour later he knocked on her door. The door swung open to reveal Darcy, now fully dry and dressed in a denim skirt, purple tights, and his t-shirt.

“Ready?” she asked grabbing her purse and a cardigan that she draped over her arm.

“Yeah, I’m ready. Where do you want to go for lunch?” he asked trying not to grin too broadly at the fact that she was still wearing his shirt.

“That Thai place on 6th, spring rolls and Pad Thai are calling my name.” Darcy told him as she joined him in the hall and closed the door behind her.

“I’ll even buy you a bubble tea.” Clint promised as they started walking down the hall. Clint put a hand on the small of her back as they walked to the elevator, keeping her close. If she saw anything odd about this she didn’t say anything, in fact it seem to encourage her to drift closer to him.

“How do you get in such ridiculous situations? I swear sometimes I think you need a keeper as much as Lucky does.” Darcy teased looking up at him with a smile.

“You volunteering for the job sweetheart?” Clint asked with a teasing grin of his own, doing his level best not to let her see how much he wanted her to say yes.

“If I must,” she answered heaving a faux put upon sigh as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if there's a Thai place on 6th, it just sounded good in my head.


	6. Bloody Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy's turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains non-graphic mentions of periods. You have been warned.

Clint sat on the couch in his tower apartment regaling Darcy with a story of the time that Nat and him took turns leaving sex toys hidden in Sitwell’s office.

“So I had just gotten the vent cover back in place when in walks Sitwell, the Hydra fucker, with Fury hot on his heels. He’s telling the director that he just needs to grab a file from his desk drawer. Sitwell unlocks it, looks in and turns beet red, slamming the drawer shut. Fury asks what the fuck his problem is right, and Sitwell is just making noises, no real words. Fury hip checks him out of the way, opens the drawer and stares. I’m watching in fucking delight as he reaches in and picks up the huge dildo with the suction cup on it and swear to god Darce, smacks it down on the chair sticking it there saying ‘well Coulson has always said you had a rod up your ass Jasper’ and walks out with the coat flying behind him like a fucking boss.” Clint relates laughing.

Darcy burst into hysterical laughter, sliding down in her seat before suddenly snapping to attention, her thighs clamped together and a look of horror on her face.

“Darce, what’s wrong?” Clint asked reaching for her in concern.

“Nothing!” she shouted shrilly, jumping to her feet, her legs pressed tight together. “I…I gotta go, bye!” she said shuffling to the door while moving her upper legs as little as possible.

Clint stared after her in confusion, worry flitting through him. “Jarvis, where did Darcy go?” Clint asked frowning.

“Miss Lewis is returning to her quarters.” Jarvis informed him. Clint climbed to his feet and started cleaning up the beer bottles and left over pizza. He managed to get everything tidied away before his concern overcame his desire to respect her privacy. Clint headed down one floor and knocked on her front door, that it swung open under his fist was not helping his concern.

“Darce, honey you okay?” Clint called out softly entering the apartment and closing the door securely behind him. When she didn’t answer him, Clint got even more worried. He made his way into the bedroom and slowly opened the door to find her curled up on her side under the covers.  When she saw him, her face flushed red before she made a squeaking sound and pulled the comforter up over her head.

“Go away,” she ordered sounding mortified.

“I’m just worried about you sweetheart, what happened upstairs that sent you running from me like that?” Clint asked sitting on the edge of the bed and smoothing his right hand over her blanket covered side. Darcy mumbled something but didn’t come out from under the covers. “I didn’t catch that, come on, talk to me.” Clint encouraged her.

“It’s embarrassing,” Darcy admitted from under the blanket.

“More embarrassing than the girl I’ve been crushing on finding me with my dick in a glass of milk?” Clint asked dryly. “Or accidently drunk dialing that same woman thinking she was someone else and offering her orgasms?” he added. “How about said amazing, way out of my league woman claiming my neon pink vibrator is hers to keep me from being embarrassed by my protégé? Or flashing her and my protégé, who still won’t look me in the eye by the way, my dick while high on pain killers. Or her having to save my ass cause I was stupid and made it rain in her apartment? Embarrassing like that?” he asked dryly tugging playfully at the blanket over her face.

Clint heard Darcy chuckling as she slowly lowered the blanket. “Well when you put it like that.,” she said sitting up and facing him, still blushing but at least she wasn’t hiding anymore.

“So…” Clint prompted with an encouraging smile.

Darcy sighed. “Okay, fine, I…I’ve got my period and you made me laugh so hard my tampon just kinda, shot out.” Darcy confessed before burying her face in her hands. Clint stared at her in surprise, biting his lip trying not to laugh.

“I didn’t know that could happen.,” he said trying to hide his amusement.

“When you laugh muscles contract and…yeah.” Darcy informed him from behind her hands.

“Babe, Darcy, you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.” Clint insisted.

“Oh right, cause guys don’t think periods are horrible and gross and flinch at the thought let alone the idea that some chicks tampon fell out while she was sitting on his couch.” Darcy ranted defensively, crossing her arms under her chest and looking toward the far wall.

“You aren’t just ‘some chick’, and are you forgetting I was married? Which meant living with a woman who got her period? Not to mention that I’ve had several long term relationships with women who also get their periods? It’s not a big deal, I swear. I’m still here okay, we’re good.” Clint assured her sincerely.

“Guess that’s the end of that crush though huh?” Darcy said with a shaky laugh still not looking at him.

“Nope, not by a long shot. I mean you laughed at my Sitwell dildo story, you’re not getting rid of me with the talk of some blood. You want me out of your life sweetheart you’re gonna have to tell me to get lost.” Clint promised with a tender smile.

“Well if I have to tell you to get lost to get you to leave, what do I have to say to get you to go on a date?” she asked shyly looking up at him through her lashes.

“Aren’t we still on one? I mean technically, as long as most people are concerned we’ve been dating for months Lewis.” Clint teased.

“So what I’m your girlfriend, just like that?” Darcy asked grinning.

“If you wanna be.” Clint answered sincerely.

“Well if I’m your girlfriend you should climb in here and cuddle me while we watch a movie. Just nothing too funny.” Darcy invited. Clint laughed and stood up kicking off his shoes before he circled around to the other side of the bed and slid under the covers with her. Clint gently tugged her into his side and wrapped his arms around her as she turned on the TV and brought up Netflix.

“Comfortable?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, this…this is perfect.” Darcy answered in the same gentle tone.

As the opening sequence of The Mummy began to play, Clint nuzzled her neck reveling in the feel of her in his arms.

“Hey Clint?” she asked.

“Yeah?” he answered.

“If we’ve been dating for months, I mean I was just wondering if you were planning to put out anytime soon?” Darcy continued her voice innocent as can be.

“Soon as you’re ready sweetheart you let me know and I’ll give you as many orgasms as you can handle.” Clint assured her with a grin.

“I’m gonna hold you to that farm boy.,” she told him.

“Looking forward to it buttercup.”

**Author's Note:**

> So while none of these situations have ever happened to me (not that the dick thing could cause, ya know I don't have one), thank Thor, the Spicy Dick Milk thing IS based on a true story. Wil Wheaton during episode 10 season 3 of the web series Table Top, told the story that I based Clint’s misadventure on. In fact thinking of Clint as I re-watched this episode is what inspired this fic. So really you can blame Wil Wheaton for this entire thing. You can find the url to the episode below, and if you don’t want to watch the entire thing to hear the original Spicy Dick Milk story, though honestly it’s a funny episode and worth watching, the part with the story starts at 25:41.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCEqUn7If44


End file.
